Adventures in Hypnosis and Psychic Experiences, Part 1

Just Erase It, said the 9-Year-Old Me

Like many people, I carry a tremendous amount of trauma on my shoulders and have experienced grief, depression and anxiety since my teen years. It never seems to fully go away, as I seem to find myself back in the psychiatrist and therapist office every few years - meds, talking, coping . . . blah blah blah. While the last round, which has been ongoing since last year, has helped tremendously, I still have blocks that I could not tear down. I told my therapist that this was like a the Great Wall of China in my head. I pursued hypnotherapy to break it all down. And breaking down it is. I have completed 3 in the last three weeks with my therapist’s blessing, one more to go later in the month.

Let’s back up to give some context. I am not going to go into the “what” I am working on, because it doesn’t matter all that much for this post. But it is important to understand the impact these sessions have had on my life - like a nuclear bomb, literally (more on that later). Late last summer, stress and unavoidable triggers to my past trauma began. Anyone experiencing what I was going through would have a hard time. By November of 2022, I was desperate to talk to a therapist to address the issues. I finally found one, and the floodgates exploded open to find myself fragile and falling apart on the inside, putting up a tough exterior to the world. I started to listen to Tori Amos again. I feel her music more than any other artist, and it felt like she was speaking to my soul, easily bringing me to tears with her words. She helped me cope.

By February of 2023, I made a critical connection as to the “why” of it all - all that bullshit trauma I thought I handled years ago. I was in a deep depression for months. By this time, I consented to starting meds, as well. They work very well for me. My therapist suggested I go to Yoga, and I chose to attend a meditational Kundalini class to get my energy flowing again, in a desperate attempt to get out of my funk. It worked so well that I heard my Tori’s “Silent All These Years” running a loop in my mind the entire session - message received, Tori. Well played. I cannot get away from her music.

I am now stabilized and healthy. Now that I am stronger, I am ready to tackle what talk therapy could not resolve - grief and recurring depression. Three sessions into the hypnotherapy journey, and I am shocked how effective this is. My imaginative brain grabbed hold and did not let go until I saw what I needed to see.

Some of the journeys I went on - a healing conversation with my deceased mother that melted away a lifetime of grief, a talk with my spirit guide, and a thousand other interactions with my mind that gave me relief. While this was big, the next one was huge in comparison.

Probably good to say that at this point, I saw Tori Amos live in concert in Los Angeles the week before. Absolutely gorgeous show, and she snuck into my brain again. During the next (third) session this past week we went back to heal my inner child, to look back in my childhood to see where some of my traumas began. This, too, is not important to detail except for a few things I am willing to share.

To get there, I rode a very tall and seemingly never-ending escalator down to the depths of my mind. It was pure black depths around me - just the escalator and me. A new beginning to my next short story instantly popped in my head, solving an issue I was mulling over (thanks, brain!). Filed this away. Further down the escalator, my Tori appeared again, this time with her song “Way Down” as if it were playing on an invisible speaker above me. “Way down, way down, she knows, way down, way down, she knows….” looping endlessly as I descended. Well played again, Tori.

I went back to my youngest self, when I was really happy before the trauma occurred. My mind conjured a 9-year-old me in my catholic school uniform. She (I) was drawing, and I was to join her. My hypnotherapist asked me to inquire about what my younger self would say to Me (present day) regarding all of the struggles I have had. She told me, “Just erase it”! Sounds easy, right? Silly me, I should have thought of that! My mind visualized a small drawing I completed in my late 20’s representing my trauma. We both held large pink erasers and went over the entire drawing together, erasing until it was a clean blank slate. It brought me to tears, and it felt really good to do that. I am now a blank slate - it seems impossible, but more happened later that confirmed it. I saw much more in my regression, but it is not applicable to the context of this writing.

The context of this blank slate regression invaded my dreams in a big way that night. My dream started out as a “family vacation home” situation - and it included many of my relatives from my father’s side of the family. Also in this crazy cast of characters is an ex-boyfriend from many moons ago that shows up as a regretful obstacle from my early 20’s. He appears in my dreams from time to time and I am always trying to patch things up with him to make right the wrongs I felt I was responsible for. I didn’t handle that situation well, and I suppose I have some lingering feelings regarding it, you think?

We were in Yves (I looked that up today, it’s in France!) in a large house. Aunts, uncles, cousins, the unwanted Ex . . . all crowding this vacation home. We heard a large, deafening boom in the far distance, and in our horror we witnessed the unmistakable vision of a mushroom cloud in the sky - a nuclear bomb detonating. It was far enough away that we didn’t go into an immediate panic, but we hit the cellar and attempted to crowd in there for safety. However, and this is really interesting, my Ex told me that he was leaving me to be with his family (and leaving my dreams for good!).

We all eventually emerged from the cellar-turned-bomb-shelter and everything was different. Life felt different, and we were a safe distance away so we relaxed and resumed the vacation home gathering. My grandmother was there - she passed away last summer. None of my aunts and uncles saw this as weird and insisted that she is supposed to be there, and certainly not deceased! I tried and tried to explain that this reality is WRONG and something has CHANGED - none would agree and insisted that I was wrong. I pleaded with my cousins (all around the same age as I) and they agreed with me - something definitely has changed about the fabric of this reality. The rest of the dream consisted of crawling through passages of this house, and it was difficult at times - small chambers, or climbing, or many steps. The house seemed to be alive, expanding as I discovered more and more of it. Rooms, towers, staircases, and help from my cousins lifting me into the smallest of passages when I needed it.

So what can I make of all of this? Hypnosis is insane. It is working for me. Most importantly, I kicked my trauma literally to the curb - with a nuclear bomb. Fun! I woke up feeling really good yesterday morning, and I still feel good today. My mind is ready for the last session, and I think some of the junk kicking around in there has been evicted. I still acknowledge and accept my trauma, but as put it to my therapist - its time to shelve it and look forward.

This is a series! Read on . . .

For those who do not know here’s the songs that have been rattling on my head, enjoy if you are curious. She gets me. Every goddamn time. The live video is from the show I attended in Los Angeles.